Welcome back to The Dating Series…Part 6!
This was a first date from 3 or 4 years ago with a guy from…*AHEM*… another dating app. Let’s call him Anthony.
In usual Kari fashion, I didn’t chat with this guy too much beforehand, but agreed to meet him for drinks later that night. He suggested some obscure, trashy bar downtown I had never heard of. That’s always a great start to a first date, right?
Anyway, I busted out the glam squad and arrived about 10 minutes early, per usual. After sitting in the loud, super crowded bar for about 15 minutes (I’m starting to sound more and more like a cranky old man), I pulled out my phone to check in on this dude. It was then that I realized that we had never exchanged numbers.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the dating app protocol, it’s usually normal to exchange phone numbers before meeting in person. We hadn’t done this yet, but it didn’t occur to me until I went to ask him where the eff he was, and realized it had never happened. So, I messaged him on the dating app, letting him know that I was there (after the Fake Fred incident, I have no shame in being sure that the guy is actually coming). No response.
After about 10 more minutes, I did what any annoyed, bored, single gal would do… I ordered a drink. There was still no reply on the app. About 5 more minutes of slurping down a drink all by myself went by and Anthony finally walked in.
The first thing I noticed is that he was much shorter than he had looked on the app. But that’s no big deal. What WAS a big deal was what this kid was wearing. He had on black jeans and a black t-shirt…and about 50% of his clothes and body were COVERED in paint.
You read that right.
This guy looked like he had just finished painting a house. Being an artsy girl myself, I have to admit that as shocked as I was, I was also a little intrigued and interested to know why the hell he was covered in paint.
After an awkward hug during which I attempted not to actually touch him at all (of course I had on a freaking white dress), he apologized for being late and asked what I was drinking. That’s right–he didn’t acknowledge the fact that he looked like he got in a paintball war with Dwight Schrute. I told him it was fine and that I had realized we never exchanged numbers, so I had messaged him on the app. He responded by saying that he hadn’t checked his phone in hours because he left it at home. RED FLAG???????
Trying to ignore the alarm bells going off in my head, I politely asked him why the hell he was covered in paint. He told me that he had just been at an art studio doing some painting and print-making. I will admit this impressed me a little (I’m a total art nerd), but I couldn’t get over the fact that he couldn’t have just gone home to change his clothes…or maybe take a second to wash the paint off his hands (AND FACE) before a first date?
Anyway, I bit my tongue and tried to make it through the rest of the date. I was starving, so we each ordered a burger and fries. The entire time we are waiting for the food, I felt like Elaine from that episode of Seinfeld where she is screaming in her head on the subway… ARE YOU GOING TO WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU EAT????
Here’s the icing on the cake…
Our food finally came and I made a comment about how Anthony’s sweet potato fries looked good, and how I regretted getting just regular fries. He proceeded to try to FEED ME A SWEET POTATO FRY WITH HIS PAINT-COVERED HANDS.
I awkwardly said no thanks, and after he tried to do it a second time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I pointed out that his hands were absolutely covered in paint and that it was probably getting all over his food, and I wasn’t interested in eating a paint-soaked french fry.
Anthony’s response was, “Nah, it’s fine. It’s dry.”
Let’s just say that the phone number exchange never ended up happening, and that is quite alright with me.
TTYL, Artsy Anthony. Good luck with the art.
Read more of The Dating Series here.
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